Crimson Snow
by KiwisingingDansen
Summary: A juicy and delicious bit of madness. All events prior to Midnight Sun... Edward's transformation, treaty with werewolves, and more! S. Meyer owns Twilight. Thanks Twilight Lexicon for amazing site. Thanks Mum for enthusiasm, and edits.


Crimson Snow

_Before_

_Edward--_

Pale sunlight filtered through the dark green curtains. I squeezed my eyes shut. The smell of coffee from downstairs and the rattle of the fireplace grate were harder to ignore.

"Since when do we clean grates first thing in the morning?"

"Begging your pardon, Mr. Masen. Miss Tams is missing, and Mrs. Bird has us all scrambling to get the chores done. Feel like a bit of breakfast, sir?"

In other words, _'Get out of this room, you lazy good-for-nothing, and let me make the bed!'_

Our financial situation was comfortable, but not so well off that we could afford a full complement of servants. Our indefatigable housekeeper, Mrs. Bird, kept the cook, two maids, and the gardener under her skinny thumb to make our brick house run smooth as silk. If Miss Tams (the second maid) had managed to escape, Mrs. Bird was likely to work the others that much harder to make up for the slack.

I knew better than to stand in the way of an avalanche. Slinking out of bed, I rushed through a wash and scrambled into my clothes and shoes. I left the room with my tie still hanging around my neck and my collar unbuttoned. So, of course, the first person I ran into was the one person I wished to avoid.

Mrs. Bird had been with the family since the Flood waters receded. Secure in her position, she had no qualms about taking me to task whenever she thought I was getting "saucy" which was every day. She looked at me now, her pinched cheeks flushed. "Mr. Masen, what is the meaning of this?"

Trying to look as ashamed as possible, I bent my head. "I beg your pardon."

"It's five of eight," she informed me. Though she did not check the gold pocket watch fastened to her waist, I had no doubt she was correct. "You aren't even properly dressed yet. What will become of you? How do you expect to make anything of yourself?"

"I could become a musician and please my mother. I could take up law, and please my father." I couldn't help the grin that split my face. "And since I can't please them both, I'll please myself."

She laughed before she could stop herself, and her smile made her seem ten years younger. Poor woman didn't know what to do with me sometimes. Her husband had died in the mud at Gettysburg, and sometimes she doted on me as if I were the son she'd never conceived. All the rest of the time..."Wicked boy!"

I ducked just in time to avoid a sound box to the ear. Laughing, I blew her a kiss before dashing down the steep staircase towards the breakfast room.

"Edward, darling?"

"Good morning, mother."

As usual, Elizabeth Masen presided over her breakfast table in a perfectly pressed morning dress, not a hair out of place. Unlike most households, Father insisted she sit right next to him so they could share the paper. He claimed, rather loudly when anyone asked, it was because she always managed to wrinkle the pages his valet so painstakingly ironed. I knew he just wanted to be closer to her for a few extra minutes every morning.

"Come in, dear," she said as she absently eyed the newspaper.

I helped myself to the buffet and scanned the headlines. To my relief I saw the War was still raging; in fact the Germans had apparently advanced fourteen miles. Closing my eyes, I wondered if it was wicked to wish the conflict could hold out a few more months until I turned eighteen.

"This'll be their last offensive," My father remarked with satisfaction as he sipped his coffee. "They have got to be getting desperate if they are spewing that poison gas every which way."

"It will be over soon." My mother's words were uttered as a prayer, and she crossed herself, her wedding ring glittering in the morning light.

"What are your plans today, son?"

"There is an auto exhibition. Apparently Cadillac has come up with a more robust engine, or something like that."

"Is that interesting?" My mother wondered, truly bewildered.

My father shook his head, but did not look up. "I don't know why you boys go; cars are not for children."

"Blake Harrison has a car," I protested. "And he's half a year younger than I am."

"The Harrison's are old money," my father said. "You want a car, you can take the bar and help me at the office."

"Or," my mother added slyly, "you could marry Catherine Harrison, she's the right age for you."

I nearly choked.

My mother set her cup down hard in the saucer. "What is _wrong_ with Miss Harrison, may I ask? She's a pretty thing, sweet and obliging. Good family, good manners, a large fortune..."

"And a voice that could curdle milk," I added.

"Edward! That's unkind and uncalled for!" Despite her exasperated tone, I saw her lip twitch, something she tried to hide behind her napkin. Nothing, however, could hide the way her green eyes danced and sparkled.

"He still has a little time to think about matrimony," my father said mildly as he folded the paper and stood up. He came up behind my chair and reached around me to knot my tie and pat my shoulder. "I will see you this evening."

"Have a good day."

My mother and I resumed our breakfast. The only sound was the ticking clock on the mantle, and the gentle rustling of my mother's gown. I finished the last of my toast and stood.

"Have a good day, love, just don't forget the piano. I spoke to your tutor, there's not much more he can teach you. You should be in a conservatory. "

"All the best schools are in France..." I trailed off, giving her a pointed look.

She shivered. "You are not going to the Continent! There are perfectly good schools in Albany or Boston."

"Mother, the War will eventually come _here_ if we don't stop it on the Continent. The Germans are insane..." Though I was just warming up to my topic, I stopped when I saw the stricken expression on her face.

"I can't stand the thought of losing you. Don't you know what happens in war? I've heard about the gas they use... the guns, the bombs, the trenches. You are going to do great things; I won't have you die alone on some god-forsaken battlefield. You have so much... potential."

Inwardly, I scoffed. I'd never done anything worthwhile in my life. Dithering away on the piano, studying half-heartedly, and all the other things I'd done with my life time up to now, had never saved anyone, had never served any greater purpose. Some men my age were already heroes, freeing the oppressed, saving the good and defeating evil. Their exploits read like the wars in stories, it was like poetry, and I wanted to be a part of it. "How do you know?" I asked bitterly.  
She smiled, touched my cheek with her soft, warm hand. "I don't know how... I can just feel it."

I shook my head. "_Fond_ mother. Well, I'm off."

"If you see Miss Tams, send her straight home, will you? If the poor girl is lost, she'll never live it down."

I nodded and snatched up my hat on the way out the door. Summer had long since surrendered her heat, and the crisp September air was invigorating. A moment later Blake Harrison's black Cadillac pulled up in front of the wrought iron gate. Though I could clearly see him, he honked the horn.

"Rub it in a little more please." I said as I settled myself on the seat. He pulled the lever and the Cadillac started down the street with a neck-cracking jerk.

"Edward, you look like we're going to a funeral, not a convention."

"It's not like I could purchase one. Unless I married your sister."

Blake swore with a violence I'd not believed him capable of, and jerked the steering wheel so hard the car almost hit a horse-drawn buggy.

"What's wrong with you?"

Blake ignored my shout and the stream of vitriol from the other driver. "Please never say that again. My sister's been in love with you since she was _five_. Can you imagine how impossible she'd be if you proposed to her?" Blake shivered theatrically. "Intolerable. Promise me you'll never do it."

"My mother would be pleased."

"So would mine. What difference does that make?"

"I was just thinking... about obligations."

Blake considered that for a moment as we turned onto Dearborn Street. "My father said he'd disown me if I don't do something useful with my life. So I think I'm going to join a theatre troupe and tour the country."

I laughed. Blake was never serious.

We were passing the church and the cemetery where all of my stillborn siblings rested, when I saw a very familiar figure leaning up one of the buildings. "Blake, stop a moment will you?"

"We're going to be late," He complained as he pulled the car to the side of the road.

I hopped down, keeping clear of the muddier sections, to make my way over to the slender figure hunched against the wall. "Miss Tams, _there_ you are. Everyone is turning the house upside down to find you, my mother thought you were lost, and you know she gets...worried...sick." My words trailed off as I examined her face more closely.

She was so pale, and covered with a sheen of sickly sweat. She opened her mouth to speak, but all she could do was cough. I put a hand on her forehead. She should have sizzled she was so hot.

"Edward! What's going on? Is she quite all right?" Blake called.

"She was fine yesterday," I muttered. "We should take her home and let Mrs. Bird get some tonic down her throat."

Blake nodded and I picked Miss Tams up. She didn't even murmur, she just hung in my arms as limp as a doll. Conventions and Cadillac's forgotten, I settled into the seat, and Blake turned the car around. "Let's get her home," he called over the engine.

We didn't even make it to the first intersection before her breaths turned into short gasps.

"Forget home, she needs a hospital."

Blake started swearing again as he turned around once more and headed for the brick hospital building three blocks over. The closer we got, the more crowded the street became with frightened, jostling people. White uniformed workers scurried about the courtyard, trying desperately to attend to the crush of patients.

"What's all this?" Blake wondered as he searched for a place to pull over.

"Don't know... wait here. I'll take her in."

I gathered Ms. Tams more firmly in my arms and stepped down from the car.

"Be careful!" Blake called over the noise. "There are probably pickpockets in the crowd."

I nodded and kept going. I doubted there were thieves, though... everyone looked too ill, more worried about staying alive than ill-gotten gains. After five minutes of pushing against the surging crowd, I made it inside. My mother employed a personal physician for the family; I'd never been inside a hospital. I wasn't quite sure what to do. Looking around, it didn't seem like anyone else knew, either.

"Excuse me..." The nurse bustled passed me as if I hadn't spoke. I shifted Ms. Tams weight and tried again. "Excuse me... hello? Good afternoon, would you please assist me?"

Someone finally stopped long enough to say, "Put 'er on an empty bed. We'll get to 'er when we get to 'er."

I stood there, shocked. How could anyone be so callous? My mother donated a great deal of time and money to this hospital. When she heard about this, she would be outraged. Rather than argue, I turned and looked for a bed. Miss. Tams was by no means heavy, but I could not carry her indefinitely. It took another few moments to find an empty bed. I set her down as gently as I could.

Her coughs were feeble now. Her lips were moving, she was trying to speak... but her voice gurgled, like she was trying to speak and drink at the same time.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't know..."

She grunted, coughed harder, determined to relay her message.

_...Jack..._

I don't know where the name, or the thought came from. But suddenly, it was clear as day in my head. "Jack?"

Her eyes lit up.

"Jack? Who is he? Do you want me to send for him?"

But her eyes had closed. The effort of telling me his name had obviously drained the last of her strength. I stood away from her. "Don't worry, I'll make sure to visit you. And mother will pay the bill; just rest."

* * *

I returned home hours later.

"She was very sick." I told Mrs. Bird and Mother when they met me at the door.

"I heard there was something new going around." Mrs. Bird shook her head. "Go to bed early tonight, Master Masen. Don't need you to be ill as well."

"There were quite a few people ill?" My mother wrung her hands. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Perfectly well. I'm just going to go upstairs."

"Shall I bring you up some dinner?"

"No, thanks. I'm just going to go to bed."

"All right, dear. I love you."

"Love you too; goodnight."

* * *

I finally closed my eyes, and drifted to sleep. As I dreamed, the germs of influenza attacked my body and stole my life, so quickly that I was not aware of its happening. I went to sleep dreaming of glory, the futures my human life might hold.

As I, Edward Masen, started to die, and the dreams whirled and danced, beguiling me.

In a sense, I never woke up.

_Farewell_

_Carlisle--_

There were thousands dying all around me, and I could do little more than assist them to the afterlife more comfortably. In the darkest moments, I truly thought that no one would survive. With the new century, the discovery of bacteria, the new age of science, I had begun to believe that we could reasonably cure anything --that plagues like this could no longer happen.

Though I was not tired, though I would never be _physically_ weary, I sat down on a rickety stool, and put my head in my hands.

Perhaps, once again, humanity had mocked God... and perhaps he now smote us with this plague of Biblical proportions as a punishment. I could see no other logical conclusion. There had been not a whisper that this disease was coming, no warning, no few first cases... everything has been business as usual. And then, seemingly overnight, everyone was sick and dying.

Unlike other illnesses, this disease preyed on otherwise healthy, young adults. Extremely infectious, this plague seemed to be a living thing, a demon sprung from hell, creeping under the door and choking the children right before their parents' eyes.

I stood up and made my way down the quarantine ward. Emotional attachments were dangerous for my kind, but I felt that in this case, the attachment was harmless. They were both going to die, like all the others. I opened the door marked 17A and looked at more hapless victims.

For two days, Elizabeth Masen had nursed her son. His father had refused to leave either of them... and in doing so had dug his own grave. He'd died yesterday morning, and that had driven Elizabeth over the edge. She could no longer rise from her cot, and her breaths were taking on the shallow quality that I recognized all too well. When they'd first arrived, I thought that Edward would surely pass before her. Whether it was due to her careful nursing, or the luck of the draw, it looked like he would be an orphan before he was a corpse. The thought filled me with such grief.

I'd left Europe to find peace from the war, and the glut of vampires who were feasting on the victims of that conflict. Even America was suffering under the weight of so much death. I sat down beside Elizabeth.

Her fever would destroy her if the fluid in her lungs didn't choke her first. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me, and for a few second I believed that she was looking into my heart, seeing all my secrets. Her mouth worked for some moments before she finally forced out what she wanted to say.

"Save him!"

I promised her that I would do everything I could, but that was not enough for her.

"What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

She _knew_... or at least, she was intuitive enough to guess.

I was in turmoil. I watched helplessly as she slowly passed out of the mortal world, into eternity, my thoughts scattering in a thousand different directions.

A companion. After centuries alone, a perfect opportunity had arisen to end my solitary existence.

Edward was dying, that much was clear. It might not even work... but if it did, I would finally have a confidant and companion.

My decision was not consciously made as I transferred Elizabeth Masen to the gurney and wheeled her to the overflowing morgue. I left her against the western wall. On the counter were identification tags; and I filled one out very carefully with her full name, stating that she had the means to be buried privately. There were mass graves being dug outside the city and I shuddered to think of her being dumped in one of them without so much as a headstone.

Then I made my way back to the quarantine room. One of the nurses, wearing a pristine uniform and a gold watch, was dabbing Edward's forehead with a cold compress. Even from here I could smell his fevered blood. She could see that he was not going to last much longer and gave up with a sad expression on her face. "What a waste," She murmured as she placed the cloth back in the bowl. She turned to leave and looked up at me, tired and hopeless, probably wondering what I was doing here instead of going back to the patients I could actually help.

Perhaps she was too exhausted to question. This disease had made it necessary for doctors to come out of retirement, for med students to come out of the class room, and every woman who had the least experience nursing, and it still wasn't enough. Despite her clean appearance she must have been ragged with emotional and physical fatigue.

She left the door open for me... an invitation. A sign?

I picked Edward up carefully and placed him on the last gurney in the hall. I quickly threw a sheet over him. His breath came in such slow, shallow gasps I didn't think the humans would notice.

I passed a few of my colleagues on the way back to the morgue, all of them running and harried. Some carried trays of useless medicines, or tubs of water, or pushed carts of fresh towels. None of them were concerned over one more corpse. I pushed Edward into the cold room and lifted him from the gurney, sheet and all. He was so light. He was still trying to cough and clear his lungs.

"Hold on," I said. I gathered myself and jumped up onto the roof. The night was dark and quiet and I made my way across and above the streets of Chicago without attracting the slightest notice. I took him to my apartment, a place that served as more of a repository for my library and changes of clothes than a home.

His heart was still fairly strong.

Perhaps he would live through what I was about to do.

"Live," I whispered.

My transformation had been so long ago, but I remembered it clearly. The bites had burned for days, and I knew where each had branded, both on my memory and in my flesh.

Gently, so gently I took his sick, fevered body in my arms, and I did something I had never done before.

When I first realized what had happened to me, I'd sworn an oath not to drink the blood of humans. That meant not biting this... I'd tried never to even imagine it. It felt so right in a way, the tender flesh giving under my teeth. His blood was so warm and I could not help the tiny amount that flowed over my tongue and down my throat before I could close the wounds with the venom on my tongue.

His fluid-choked lungs prevented him from screaming, but even through the darkness I could see his eyes rolling with fear. I had to work quickly; there was no time to stop and explain.

Human blood was delicious, the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I could think that clinically, as I bit him over and over.

_Awakening_

_1918_

_Edward--_

Just like that, the pain vanished. It had started fading from my fingertips. For the past while, I'd been able to hear... everything. I heard his frantic thoughts, his deep, sincere concern for me, his desire to see my pain cease. I felt like I knew him better than anyone. I knew I could trust him despite what... whatever he had done.

That he had spoken to me throughout the entire ordeal was a great boon, the pain had been intense, and his words a distraction.

I sat up quickly, then... I shook my head.

My memories were hazy, a dark tintype; a foggy shroud seemed to cover the details. I'd been sick. I'd been coughing. I knew that I couldn't breathe, or that I was trying to breathe underwater. I remembered my mother's voice, my mother's hands, her tears as she'd leaned over me.

Then he spoke, and his voice rang in my ear perfectly. "Edward, I'm Carlisle, do you remember me?"

"Carlisle... Dr. Cullen?" I didn't remember him _per se_, and it took me a moment to match his familiar voice, the one I'd heard speaking to me again and again throughout my... ordeal, to the face before me. I remembered him talking about his patients, and his need to get back to the hospital. Sometimes, I thought he was rambling, talking to himself as much as me.

"That's right."

It was near sunset and the rays of red-golden light filtered into the room. I was transfixed by the multi-hued beauty. Had I ever seen such perfect light before? I thought I could stare at it forever. My focus kept shifting, though, and not even perfect beauty could hold it for long.

I saw the amazing glitter of my skin and his and gasped. It was both brilliant and horrifying. My mind was taking in all of the details. I remembered, vaguely, Dr. Cullen from the hospital

"My throat... it's _burning_."

"Here, I brought you this."

He took the lid off the canteen, the kind I'd seen army recruiters carrying, and offered it to me. It was appealing... sort of. I snatched it from his hand and tipped it down. It was not... completely satisfying. I wished it were hotter, and the flavor was slightly off somehow. But it coated the fire in my throat and eased my hungry anxiety.

And that's when he said the word.

_Vampire._

I let my hand fall to my side, but not before making sure there was not the slightest drop of liquid left inside.

"Vampire?"

He startled, as if I'd said something unexpected.

"Yes Edward, it was the only way I could save you."

I remembered. He spoke of it while I was burning...I had thought it part of a dream. Could I still be dreaming? Everything was so clear, my mind was so sharp, I rejected the notion instantly. I was alive... I stared at the canteen. I'd just slaked my thirst with blood. I was alive... but at what cost?

"My mother? My father?"

"I'm sorry, Edward."

_Why didn't you save them, too?_ I cringed. Did I want them to be alive... this way? The most selfish part of me said yes. My eyes darted to the canteen. I was tempted to tear it apart and lick every last trace of blood from the inner walls. I wanted... _more_. And suddenly, it was all I could think about.

I'd heard them before, but now I really focused on the delicious sounds that surrounded me. Carlisle lived in an apartment... and above and below, in every direction is seemed, there was the delicious, thrumming sound of a heartbeat. How had I lived so blind to the delights? I took a deep breath and I could smell them. The scent of the humans, the scent of their blood...intoxicating.

My mind surrendered to the will of my new instincts, and I shifted my stance.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder.

I wanted to _hunt_. Why should I stop? It's not like I wouldn't share.

Then I heard his worried thoughts, the argument for his way of life. I blinked, I'd heard him, before his lips had ever moved. I was so startled, I was distracted from my burning throat.

"No! Edward, no, you _mustn't_ eat them. Please you have to try and control yourself. They're people. Not food."

I shook my head. "I _heard_ you already,"

_What is he talking about?_

"You said the same thing twice," I muttered. I was still thinking about what he had said before, appalled by it and the realization it brought. For a moment, I'd forgotten that what I wanted was _blood_. Human blood, a human heartbeat stilled. That was... sick. "Is there any way not to kill them?" Not kill them... if I just took one little sip... they would not miss a little sip...

Carlisle shook his head. "If you bite them, they are dead or one of us. The blood of animals is equally satisfying, I swear."

I shook my head, that answer was impossible. How could I not drink? My throat was as dry as a desert. I felt myself starting to shake. There had to be some way, some loophole. I could not imagine never tasting that nectar. My mind was working faster than it ever had before, and the same answer kept repeating over and over.

Death or... or this, whatever this was, if I did what I wanted.

_What have I done? Have I created a villain?_

Carlisle's.... thoughts were so sad, the weight of responsibility pressed down so heavily on him.

I put my hands over my ears, trying to block out... whatever I was hearing. The heartbeats and his voice both. Blocking my ears only served to shut out the one. I could still... hear him, even when he wasn't talking.

"What's happening?" I murmured.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I would not have turned you here, surrounded by so much temptation. But you were fading, I had to act quickly." _I couldn't watch you die. I am so sick of death. _

My teeth felt so sharp when I bit my lip, my heart should have been thundering like a train, I should have been sweating through my shirt. But I did not feel anything but cold, and frightened and _thirsty_.

I heard the pounding, insistent heartbeats thundering all around me and I moaned. I heard Carlisle's thoughts, the deeper motivation for my... condition. The want of a companion, the hope of understanding.

My father, my mother, most of my friends --they were all dead. My whole life would never be the same, and even with this new, faster mind. I could not make any sense of anything, I could not see a way out.

I reached out and grabbed the closest body.

Carlisle held me, and restrained me, all through the night.

He would not let the monsters get me... and he would not let me become one myself.

* * *

Of course, by the time I was ready, my parents had been buried. Carlisle brought me their personal effects three weeks after my transformation. My mind was mostly occupied by not killing, by restraining myself. I spent a great deal of time in Carlisle's arms, I knew with dread certainty that without his hold I would lose myself.

My father's watch, his pin.

My mother's wedding ring was a pretty circlet of diamonds. As long as I'd known her, I'd never seen it off her finger. That morning at breakfast, a memory that was dim and muddy now compared to my new sight. It had flashed on her slender finger. I couldn't believe it... she was gone.

What would she think of this transformation? She couldn't have known _how_ Carlisle would save me, even if she had sensed somehow that he _could_.

My eyes were still a hellish red. Carlisle had to procure some special tinted spectacles so that I could leave his apartment without causing a panic. To further the idea that I was an invalid, he also wheeled me out in a chair. I was oddly grateful that I had an excuse to sit as still as I wanted. Their hearts sounded so delicious, and their smell was beyond appealing. It sent a river of fire down my throat, a gut-wrenching desire. Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder and I worked on looking like a human invalid, not a starving monster.

I was wheeled to the courthouse, to a private room. The bailiff opened the door for me. His thoughts were sympathetic, pitying. I tried to shut him out. And found once again that I could not.

Judge Falkirk was in black mourning. Though he looked every year of his age, his blood smelled fresh. I could picture myself rising from this chair, going to him.

"Mr. Masen. My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your family."

He did not congratulate me for surviving. A perceptive man. I would try harder not to kill him. Oh... his blood... so _there_... so _close_....

"I understand that you, Carlisle Cullen, wish to take custody of him until he's eighteen?"

"His condition is still unstable. He'll need my care. There is no one else, Your Honor."

_No one else._ Well, that was for bloody certain. My father, my mother, most of my friends, half of the servants... I was an orphan and alone.

"I see," Judge Falkirk looked down at the papers, his thoughts whirling. "The other doctors have testified to your trustworthiness and reliability. And everyone had given up the Masen family for dead." The judge looked at me from behind the desk. "I knew your father, young Edward. And he was a great and honorable man. You carry with you a shining legacy. I am glad that you are well." He signed his approval on the adoption papers. "The Masen fortunes, such as they are, shall be put away for Edward in their entirety, I trust?"

"Of course," Carlisle answered. "I will also bestow upon him my own modest means."

Judge Falkirk dated the papers and handed them to Carlisle who put them in his jacket pocket. He was so close. I could almost taste him. He would have a rich, smoky flavor I was sure.

"Thank you, Carlisle Cullen. It eases my mind to know young Edward is taken care of."

Judge Falkirk took my hand. He was so hot. If he noticed how cold my hand was he said nothing. "Go with God, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

I dropped my face in shame. I was now a very devil and God would have nothing to do with me. His words stung, and I could not face their meaning.

* * *

So I came into my inheritance, and a new name.

The great empty house, I sold immediately. Carlisle protested, claimed that I should keep it, but I could not endure the memories it contained.

My smaller, summer home we made arrangements to move into immediately.

"We need to get out of the city, there is too much temptation here." Carlisle said. "In a little while, you will be able to control your thirst and we can return if you wish."

I nodded. I did not tell him that I had no intention of returning. Everyone I'd loved here was dead. Until these murky human memories vanished, this place would be full of ghosts.

I packed my own clothes, my father's books, and my mother's jewels. Her ring I placed carefully in my writing box. Carlisle helped me review the family accounts and I realized I was quite well-off. It wouldn't last forever but...

...I choked on a laugh. I needed to stop thinking in terms of one lifetime. I could live till Armageddon and the sounding trumpets. And then, as a blood sucking fiend, where would I go?

I heard Carlisle before he opened the door. _Is he ready?_ Immediately echoing the thought was the spoken words, "Are you ready?"

Sighing, I nodded. Hearing this echo of mind and voice could get annoying.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. "There could be a way to muffle your power. You are still so new, give yourself time to adjust. Come, the car is waiting. Do you have everything?"

I glanced one more time around the empty, echoing room. White sheets covered the furnishings, shrouds over my past life. I checked one more time to make sure my writing desk was in order and then nodded. "I'm ready."

Carlisle wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we descended the stairs. "Good. We'll drive all night. Do you know the way?"

Shaking my head, I moved closer to him. Sometimes, I feared it would never get easier. His arm tightened as the door opened. A thousand tempting scents assailed me at once and I leaned heavily into him. I was new; my strength was so much more than his... but in the end, where it most counted, I was weaker.

_That's a shame it is, Masen's have lived on this street since time out o' mind._ "Good bye, then." Though I recognized both the mental and spoken voice, I dared not take a breath to reply. I just nodded at him, the old delivery man, who'd always had candy in his pocket.

Carlisle thanked him and helped me into the car, getting me away.

"Where are you off to, then?"

"There is a country home, the air will do Edward a world of good."

"Ahhh yes. It was north of here, wasn't it? Mr. Edward senior talked about it some times."

Carlisle laughed. "Yes. It's in Ashland, Wisconsin."

_Ashes_

_1921_

_Edward--_

"Stop it, Edward." Carlisle growled as we bounced down the road in the new car.

I couldn't help myself. My snicker turned into outright laughter. "Tell me who she was. You've been thinking about her eyes and the shade of her hair on and off for the past two years, and you haven't had the decency to think of her name."

"Esme Platt." He told me grudgingly as he turned the steering wheel sharply, and unnecessarily, to the left.

I smiled and refused to be distracted. "Carlisle, she was _very_ taken with you."

"She was a _child_."

"What does that matter to an immortal?" I teased. "She's probably all grown up now. Your memories are so clear... she was very pretty. For a human. I wonder if you will ever see her again?"

"Certainly not!" Carlisle sputtered as he guided the car back onto the smooth highway. Everything was far apart in Ashland. We sometimes had to travel for hours to make a simple house call. Over the past few years, I'd gotten better at restraining myself. With Carlisle's help, I'd not taken a single life.

His thoughts of me were so... proud. He was as proud of me as my father had been. I shook off the vague memories of my father's face. I'd almost forgotten him. Carlisle was my father now, the only father I needed. Day after day Carlisle fought to save humans from death, fought to save me from myself. Every day, there was no shadow of doubt that he was doing the right thing.

Carlisle had been able to transform his previous desire for knowledge into desire to heal. In my human life, the only thing I'd wanted was to be a hero, to fight evil, to vanquish my enemies. Now I had a body that could not be harmed, and a literal thirst for blood... why shouldn't I wage my own personal war against degenerates? Why shouldn't Carlisle join me? After the first year, though, I'd stopped trying to convince him that we should try living as our instincts demanded. We were designed to kill, why fight it? With my abilities, there would be no harm to the innocent. The idea appealed to me more than I could safely tell him, without breaking his heart.

I looked over at him, searched his mind... but found only the same iron determination, the same strength that had kept him from human blood his entire existence. He would never yield.

I could never leave him to that loneliness.

For just a moment, his control slipped and I caught a flash of her caramel colored hair, her happy, hopeful smile.

But he could not hide his fond thoughts of the young woman he'd met years ago. Not from me. In his time, a sixteen year-old girl was ripe for marriage.

I shrugged and stared out the window.

"_Stop it,_ Edward."

I just smiled.

* * *

Lake Superior was restless this evening. I was just finishing dinner as the sun made the water sparkle red and gold and colors for which I had no name. I felt Carlisle's decision to return to the house ahead of me. We were expecting a few medical journals to be delivered; Carlisle wanted me to study surgery so that I could assist him. I wanted to please Carlisle, though I didn't think my desire for human blood had ebbed one iota. Still, perhaps I could get ahead in my studies...

The wind shifted, and I heard a strange, mewling, choking sound. A woman was sobbing.

I wasn't hungry and it wasn't any of my business, so I hid the carcass and started back toward the house. She was sobbing and incoherent.

_My prince... my happy ending... my baby... _

I paused and turned back. Her mind sounded desperate and determined. This was mortal grief, and I saw that she was standing on what passed for cliffs along the shoreline. Even though it was none of my business, perhaps I should help her back to her home. I'd just fed, I should be able to do it. I jogged at a human pace toward her.

Her mind blank with pain, I didn't see what she intended until she stepped off the edge. Her pretty sundress, a flash of caramel colored hair, and she was gone. I gasped, and ran, unthinking, a human reaction to a human tragedy.

The moment I looked over the cliffs, I knew I had made a mistake. Her blood was splattered all over the sharp rocks.

Turning around, I ran back for the house. I searched desperately for Carlisle, but I could not hear his mind anywhere. I was frantic; I needed him to put his arms around me, to keep me from going back and licking that poor woman's blood up off the rocks. The image of it, so tempting, so near, sent me running faster.

He'd gone back to the little hospital.

"Edward, son, what's wrong?"

I could not answer for a few moments. I focused on taking deep breaths of his clean scent. "She jumped. She jumped just like that... I was afraid... the blood..."

"Who jumped?"

My mind scattered, I'd thought she looked familiar... something about her hair. "I'm not sure, a local woman. She lost a baby, her husband is a monster.... that was all she was thinking before she..."

"You did the right thing, my son."

"That fall couldn't have killed her, I heard her heart beating as I ran."

"Take me there," he whispered urgently.

We walked quickly out of the building, holding hands... just to make sure I didn't bolt for the blood storage room. "Today is my day for fleeing temptation," I said miserably as we ran back to the cliffs.

We were almost to the cliffs when we saw the ambulance racing away. "Someone must have found her," Carlisle muttered.

"They think she's dead. They're taking her to the morgue, that's why they aren't blaring their siren."

"She's not dead then?"

"No, I can still hear a thread of her thoughts... she's thinking about her baby, she wants to see him before she goes to hell... she's praying the rosary."

"Let's hurry back. Perhaps there is something that can be done."

They'd put her right in the morgue. I stayed out, of course, but I could watch as Carlisle opened the refrigerator...

... and his shock as he recognized, even through the damage, who it was.

Esme. The little girl, now a woman, at point of death.

I didn't stop to think about it. "Yes!" I whispered. "Try!"

Later, I would wonder if this was right... to make a decision for someone else. As much as I loved Carlisle, I would have chosen to die with my family. But seeing her through his eyes, the little torch he'd carried for years, only strengthen my resolve. There was only one way to save her, and he bent to that task at once.

Closing my eyes, I slid down the wall. Now there was nothing to do but wait.

* * *

_Esme--_

There he was right through the pain. When I could think again, when I could move, when I could open my eyes...

He was there, looking down at me.

He'd been the leading figure in my dreams and fantasies for years. Even though my mind seemed... clouded at the moment, I still knew him, because my heart knew him.

"How do you feel?"

"Better?" I asked hesitantly. Then I reached a hand up to my throat, trying to soothe the burning sensation.

Something... appetizing was brought into the room in the hands of a bronze-haired boy.

I'd seen him around town, a beautiful boy, the ward of some doctor. Sometimes during the last stages of my pregnancy, I'd dreamed that he was the son of Carlisle Cullen... they had the exact same eyes. But in my confinement, I'd never thought to check. It seemed ridiculous now; besides the eyes, they looked nothing alike. Every girl over the age of two, and under a hundred, had been in love with him. I could see why now, up close with my startlingly clear eyesight. His bronze hair, though unfashionably messy, was a beautiful color. I felt instantly shy.

He smiled at me softly. "Hello, I'm Edward... I believe you've met my father, Carlisle."

My cheeks should have been crimson. "I... I didn't know you had a son."

"He's my son by choice... he was dying, just like you."

Edward smiled at his... father. Edward's face was so full of understanding and respect and devotion for Carlisle. I didn't know what would be appropriate. My throat was burning, demanding all my attention now. It was getting harder to focus.

My reason slipped from between my fingers. I forgot myself for a long time.

* * *

_Five Years Later_

_Esme--_

He draped a beautiful solitaire diamond around my neck and I gasped, stunned. Edward and Carlisle were always showering me with presents, but this... I felt like a princess.

"Edward, it's stunning."

"It was my mother's. I want you to wear it at your wedding."

I giggled. "Carlisle can't ask me yet, you know that." How I wanted it. I dreamed of the moment. He would be wearing a beautiful suit, and he would get down on one knee, and we would be together forever...

Of course, Edward heard all this. He only smiled though, pretending not to notice all my daydreams. "It might happen sooner than you think."

I glanced up into the mirror, his expression was inscrutable. His heart was closed off to me. "What are you thinking, Edward?"

"That's my secret."

I supposed it was at that. I ran my fingers lightly down the slender chain, and looked at the pretty, sparkling diamond. His mother had owned his... the woman had raised such a beautiful, engaging son. I knew, at least I hoped, that she watched from heaven. I knew what it was like to be separated from a child. My empty womb echoed with pain.

Sometimes, in these last few years, I wished Edward were mine. Secretly, when he was away hunting and could not hear me, I pretended that he was. I ironed his shirts, bought the writing paper that he liked, and enrolled him in school. To the public he was my brother, but privately I daydreamed that he was my flesh and blood. Carlisle thought of him as a son, and no true relation could be closer. If I married Carlisle, perhaps Edward would let me call him son, too.

"Come," he said. "Let's wait for Carlisle in the drawing room, and hope he brings back some good news."

Nodding, I rose to follow him, still touching my new necklace.

* * *

_Edward--_

I sat with Esme on the couch. She'd arranged everything in this house, transforming it from our Spartan bachelors' quarters, to a cozy home we could entertain in if we had the desire. Nothing gave her more pleasure than arranging flowers in her cut crystal vases, or knitting lace for curtains or doilies. Now she drew no pleasure from her creations. Her eyes stared at nothing, and she chewed on her lips... a leftover human habit. Her thoughts were miserable and excited by turns. I squeezed her little hands and she squeezed back. I understood.

Over the years, it had just gotten worse and worse. Her affection for Carlisle grew and sharpened, until their separation was a physical pain that I could only guess at. They wanted to be together, to stand up in a church and be tied together for their eternity.

Divorce was rare, expensive, and difficult to obtain in these rural states. I'd studied medicine, but if I could take up law again, perhaps I would be able to help. If only I didn't look so damn young.

I heard his thoughts of course, before he even walked in the door. I tried to keep my face smooth, so Esme would not be upset.

Carlisle came in, his coat drenched with rain. He looked at us waiting for him, and his thoughts made me shake my head. He loved seeing Esme, of course, but he felt the tiniest bit jealous that I was holding her hand. I threw him a look and then stood up. "What have you found?" I asked, for Esme's benefit. Sometimes Carlisle forgot to talk, forgetting that one of his companions could not read minds. Vampires got so set in their ways.

"Nothing good. He's still alive, still looking for her." For once Carlisle's voice was filled with distaste for a living creature. "I didn't dare approach him. He's unreasonable and violent."

My mind spun with possibilities. Carlisle and Esme were looking at each other as if the sun rose and set on the other. On the one hand, the problem seemed trifling; a mere technicality. Esme had died and was reborn, the oaths she made no longer applied. Why were they being so squeamish? By some unspoken understanding, they would not go near one another until her husband was dead or a divorce was obtained.

"We can wait, we have all the time in the world."

That seemed to settle the matter for the moment.

Time passed and the waiting got harder for them.

Esme and I went to see _Nosferatu, a Symphony of Horror_ twelve times, laughing ourselves silly. Together, we pried Carlisle out of his office to hike all over the mountains. I watched them try not to look at each other, try not to think of anything but a very quick wedding as soon as it was possible to have it in good conscience. More and more, they depended on each other. I started taking off for a few days at a time, staying in forests and hotels nearby, trying to give them space.

They were always genuinely glad to see me back. Soon though, I knew it was time.

Something had to be done about Charles Evenson, and I was finally ready to strike out on my own for good and let Esme and Carlisle get on with their lives. I would always respect Carlisle, but I knew I was right. Perhaps, someday, he would see that too.

* * *

I felt as though I were dreaming again. I walked up to the immaculate house. Charles liked to put on a good show for the neighbors. I'd spent the last day and a half listening to all his thoughts, focusing on him.

He had a girlfriend living at the house, though he treated her more like furniture, a particularly useless piece of furniture at that. Her arm was in cast because his bath water had not been the correct temperature. Her back was a mass of welts because he couldn't get his car started. A few minutes ago he'd sent her out of the house crying, telling her "To get some damn makeup for your ugly face. Hell, you look like a cow! How am I supposed to look at you, when you look like a cow?"

She would be back soon. I had to work quickly.

I felt as though a part of me was sitting back and watching this happen. I couldn't make myself believe that I was about to do this. Shaking off all doubts, I adjusted my tie and knocked on the door, put on my polite-for-company-non-threatening smile.

This would relieve Carlisle, it would make Esme so happy... give her a small measure of justice for the horror she'd endured at his hands.

"What is..." Charles gruffness was wiped away the moment he saw my expensive clothes and pleasing face. "Oh, good afternoon, young man. What can I do for you?"

"I need to speak with you for a moment... privately, please."

"Come right in, the missus is out for a moment. May I offer you some iced tea?"

"No thank you." I sat in the little, comfortably appointed living room.

"So, what can I do for you?"

"Actually, I'm here to speak with you about your wife."

"I told you, she's out..."

"No, your other wife. The one who left you years ago, the one you still can't find. Esme Platt."

His thoughts froze. "Who are you?"

"My name is Edward Cullen. As I was saying, you haven't seen her in years, and she wants to get remarried. I have a bill of divorce I'd like you to sign, please, so that she can get on with her life."

He shot out of the chair. "That two-timing _bitch_! I knew it! I knew there was someone else! Where is she? She's not getting a divorce! I'm gonna drag her home by the hair and teach her a lesson!"

Seeing what he had in mind for Esme, helped me make up my own.

I sidled up to him, my hands behind my back, my eyes on the floor and my teeth covered... I didn't want him to guess what was coming. "Would you think me a monster if I said I was kind of hoping you'd say that?" I asked in a shy, sweet voice I almost didn't recognize as my own.

That stunned him for a moment. "You... were... hoping..."

"Yes. I want you to be my first, you see."

The monster, released at last, smiled.

* * *

"Edward, where are you?" Carlisle's voice was frantic.

My hand shook around the receiver, all of me shook and I didn't understand why. Did it have something to do with the more potent human blood? "Did you get my message?"

"Yes, Edward, it arrived an hour ago... _what have you done?"_

"I should think that rather obvious. You didn't see him, you didn't see what was in his mind. He had it coming."

"I... imagine he did. Edward, please tell me you are on your way home."

"I'm... on my way to Washington, D.C. actually."

_"Washington DC?_ Edward, please, please, don't do this."

I looked at the cheap mirror across from me and stared at the crimson-eyed devil who looked back. I couldn't face Carlisle... not until... not until later . He just didn't understand. I wasn't guilty; I'd done the right thing. I could have pulled out his heart in a court of law in front of a roomful witnesses and that would have been justice, he would have gotten exactly as he deserved. _I wasn't_ guilty.

"I'll keep in touch," I said, knowing that was a lie, and hung up.

Outside, snow began to fall. I stood up, gathered my things, and left to start my new life. I would be a hero... not a monster.

The monster agreed.

* * *

_Crimson Snow_

_1927-1931_

The bar was crowded and noisy. Technically, alcohol was illegal now thanks to Prohibition, but that had not stopped a soul in this room from enjoying the stuff. I had my own glass of the bootlegged liquor sitting in front of me, untouched of course.

Every particle of my body was alive, strong, and aware... except my heart, a frozen dead lump in the middle of my chest that I felt more with each passing day. I'd been stalking my victim for a day and a half. No matter how much human refuse I got rid of, there always seemed to be six more waiting. I would never go hungry, at least. My body thrived on the food while the other parts of me, the best parts, withered away to nothing.

I missed Carlisle. I wrote to him and Esme often, but I moved around too much to receive a reply. I was afraid to receive one. From my letters I omitted most of my activities. I spoke only of what I had seen, from plays to mountain ranges, to other vampires. If they noticed the lack of personal information... I wondered if they'd guessed the worst.

These years had passed with the intensity of a nightmare. I was always hunting, always looking for the next meal. I shook my head, dispelling that word. One city after the next, one victim to the next. Only they weren't victims; all of them had their destiny coming to them, I made sure of that. If anything, I was the victim; I took their soiled essence into myself, making it a part of me.

I could not understand what I was doing wrong, why I felt so melancholy. I should be triumphant.

_He's gorgeous! I wonder if..._

_Where he comes from, not from around here..._

_...he already has an agent. I'll have to lower my rate but..._

_Who comes to these things except to drink and dance? _

_Why won't he look at me?_

_Some kind of freak..._

Though the crowded haze of drunken human minds, I felt the sharp, clear thoughts of another vampire. She'd picked up my scent and had followed it, more out of boredom than curiosity. She wasn't hungry or looking for a fight, so I didn't care enough to even look up when she came near.

"Please, don't touch me." I said when she reached out to tap my shoulder.

"I haven't seen you around, are you new?" Her voice was very high and sweet, I supposed, but it wasn't the voice I wanted to hear more than anything.

"Just passing through."

She sat on the stool next to me and rested her chin in her hand. "Hunting?"

I shrugged and gestured with my chin to the man in the corner whom I'd been hunting. "You see that man over there? If he doesn't find someone to go home with tonight, he'll go back to his house and rape his little girl."

The vampiress cocked her head and looked at me askance. "You're one of _those_ vampires." She twirled a lock of her kinky, flame-red hair around her finger. "I believe that as hunters we pick off the weak, the old, or the sick. We don't hunt the bad just because they're bad, that complicates what we are."

As if what we were wasn't already complicated. "Are you hungry now?" I asked conventionally.

She shrugged her pretty shoulder. "I'll pick at whatever you're having."

I nodded and set down my untouched glass of beer, and gestured for her to proceed me. "Shall we then?"

She smiled, pleased to make my acquaintance, wondering how long we could hunt together. I'd already decided I wanted a change... any kind of change, and scenery would do. I would leave the area after this hunt perhaps.

We followed our target silently. My companion, whose name I did not know nor cared enough to find out, was an excellent huntress. She did not leave so much as a footprint in the snow, and she ghosted between the garbage cans and through the littered alleyways without making a sound.

My mind, however, was barely focused, even with the prospect of a sweet meal to come. Years and years had passed since I'd felt even a semblance of peace. How long until I couldn't bear it anymore?

_It's the only way to live,_ the monster assured me.

I wasn't so sure anymore.

Just outside the house I paused, listening with both my ears and my mind. The little girl was up in her room, hiding under her bed. She was thinking about all the other times her parent had come home, how much it hurt, how much it had bled.

"Don't worry, little one. He won't touch you again," I whispered to her window.

"And they say vampires are monsters." She tossed her head, letting the locks dance like living tongues of flame against the dark.

We ended his life in his own living room, while he searched for a rope to tie up his girl. The evil bastard was so _prepared_, with ropes, rags, an old paddle... I wondered if he was prepared for hell.

Odd how the turn of fate rests on the simplest of coincidences. Our hunt was perfect, he didn't scream or struggle but for an instant. His leg had spammed as we neatly crushed his heart and jugular at the same time. That limb brushed against a top-heavy table, and the brass figurine of a shepherdess fell.

The vampiress and I were so involved with our meal, that we did not stop the little statue from falling when it tumbled off the end table and thumped against the carpet.

If only I'd paid attention to something other than the meal, to something other than the dark ecstasy of fresh, hot blood. I would have heard the thoughts of the little girl; the brave thing was going to go downstairs and see what was making the noise. I would have heard them in time to stop, or hide...

_Monsters!_

She didn't scream when she saw us, and saw what we were doing. She was well acquainted with monsters.

I froze, horrified.

I thought, _She's seen us... what should I..._

All choice in the matter was taken out of my hands less then a second later. The vampiress did not hesitate to spring, to snap the child's neck and feast a second time.

My body was still frozen, though my emotions were boiling beneath the surface, so many that I could not choose one, could not act on one...

I wanted to kill the vampiress. The girl had been innocent, had deserved better than her cruel life and bloody death.

I wanted the vampiress to kill me, to end this bleak guilt.

The girl was now dead, but not before I saw her terror. Not before I saw what I looked like, reflected in her brown eyes. Now she was _dead_, her short human life ended forever; a concept I was too familiar with. Her scrawny body was drained of blood and limp on the floor, her mind silent.

I watched my hunting companion toss the girl's body aside and wipe her mouth as if it were nothing, and to her it was. The girl met the vampiress's criteria as easily as the father had. The poor little thing had been weak, and sick, and worse... a witness.

_It was necessary, _the monster said. _We cannot leave traces or witnesses. What she did was perfectly correct. Be grateful! If you had been alone, you would have had to do it yourself._

I would have had to do it myself.

I should have had to do it myself.

There go I, unless I do something now.

I would sink into the bleak depths forever, with all the rest of my kind, or I could choose something else.

"Where are you going?"

I didn't turn around, I didn't answer. But I knew where I was going, where I needed to be. I was _finished_ playing God's judge and executioner.

My hands were dripping with the blood of the father as I walked out the door. It was cold and about an inch of snow on the ground. For a few minutes, I stood there and let the cold wash over me. Bending down, I wiped my dripping hands on the pure snow and then, without further delay, I took off.

I was going home.

* * *

They had made themselves easy to find. I followed their scent in from the forest a half-mile away. Esme was out; her scent was fresh and leading away from the little brick bungalow. That was disappointing.

Carlisle did not hear me as I stole silently into the house. He was sitting in his familiar stuffed reading chair, reading as usual. It was as if I hadn't left. He didn't notice me until I was kneeling in front of him, looking up into his eyes. I'd become a better hunter than he in these past years.

He startled, dropping the book. "Edward!"

"I'm sorry..." I didn't get a chance to finish the apology; he'd already thrown his arms around me, as if he were afraid I'd run away again. I wanted to explain, I wanted for him to understand. I wished I could put all my jumbled thoughts in his mind. How committed I was now to his vision. "I don't want to be a monster ...anymore."

He was barely listening to me. "Thank God, thank God, thank God... you're home."  
_My son is home._

I closed my eyes, and let myself lean into his strength.

* * *

"We kept everything the way you had it," Esme said. She was so happy, her eyes danced, and she could not stop touching me.

"Thanks, Esme... I'm sure it will be perfect."

"Are you hungry at all? Carlisle and I were going to go hunting... and of course you'll need new clothes, and to explain your presence to the humans!"

She was happy, almost giddy. I kissed her forehead. "That sounds like fun." The thought of hunting actually turned my stomach, but I would chew off my fingers before putting the slightest damper on the light in her eyes.

Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder; a ring glittered on his finger. I'd missed their wedding. I would never forgive myself for that, either.

"We should leave him be, let him settle for a moment."

"Come downstairs soon, Edward... I have so much to tell you!"

I nodded and they closed the door quietly behind them. Everything in the room was familiar, all my possessions had been carefully placed as I liked them, and kept in pristine order. I wondered at them making such a place for me when I'd had no intention of returning. I sat on the edge of my chair and looked around, trying to pick up where I'd left off.

They went outside the house and spoke in whispers, but I could still hear them. "We have to let him be," Carlisle said. "I don't know what's happened to him these past few years. We have to let him come through it, and not push him."

"I hate thinking of him all alone up there."

"He'll come down. He knows how much we need him."

My hands were clutching my chest, my empty heart... I made them unclench. I made myself stop listening. I would start over. I would atone, somehow.

That night, I played the piano and sang, I made the laugh with stories of the city. I also hunted for the first time since that night. Compared to the rich, human blood I had been drinking, the taste was horrible. But I drained my kills dry, and was even grateful for the bland taste.

Three weeks later, the gold was starting to come out in my eyes again and I privately rejoiced. I started to compose again; I pushed around a few ideas for a ballad in honor of Carlisle and Esme.  
Everything was a great ocean of joy, for my parents. Their only concern was for my welfare and continued happiness.

"Edward, how do you feel about Rochester?"

"Minnesota?"

"New York. There is a hospital up there that's just starting up, and I want to be a part of it. Esme wants to be closer to the city, to expand our art collection... and there should be plenty of good hunting for you in Canada and Maine."

"Then by all means," I said.

* * *

_Wasted_

_1933-1935_

_Carlisle--_

My son. There were times I could not believe he was home. He had recommitted himself to my way of life and since his return, he'd not slipped once, nor, as far as I could see, had he even been tempted.

Not even _tempted_... what had happened to him that made him hate human blood, hate his need, hate himself? I wanted him to respect life, including his own. Somehow, he'd left off the second part of that lesson. Between the lines of every letter he'd sent home, his burden had been clear.

I walked the streets of Rochester, on my way home from the hospital, and tried not to worry.

Despite his ease in staying away from humans, despite all his other successes, Edward was ...floundering. I'd hoped that time would be enough, that the closeness of our family would help him, but he didn't seem to be getting any better. Even he seemed contented with everything we had, there were ghosts in his eyes, a self-hatred that had never been there before he'd left. Though Esme's protested otherwise, I blamed myself for those ghosts. I should have tried harder to keep him home. I should have looked for him... or done _something_.

Esme adored him, and the feeling was mutual. They found great comfort in their mutual society. Next time we moved, perhaps we could claim him as our son instead of a brother. The thought made me smile with satisfaction.

I knew that when I walked in the door I would find my love waiting for me, ready to tell me of her day, waiting to listen to mine. Edward would be waiting for me, too. He would perhaps play the piano for us, or read out of a novel. He had an excellent, dramatic voice and I knew he could make a medical journal or a phone book sound interesting.

I raked my hands through my hair and tried to think of a way to help him. When I looked at Esme, and felt the joy she brought to my life, I knew that if Edward could find the same, perhaps the ghosts would vanish.

That cure might be a lost cause, however, for Edward played no favorites. He noticed no human or vampire, man or woman. When he wanted company, he came to me or Esme, everyone else he looked through or past, unseeing.

Perhaps because I was in this frame of mind, thinking of some way to when I saw the girl dying, beaten and Lord knew what else, I saved her.

Rosalie Hale was the most beautiful human I'd ever seen. From what I'd heard she was engaged to marry the wealthiest boy in the district that King brat whom Edward despised. Rosalie was very pretty, with carefree manners. Whenever I saw her or heard about her there was always an aura of satisfaction in everything she did.

Beyond the utter waste of leaving her, there was the hope that she could tempt Edward to smile and open up. Someone as confident as this girl, as fierce, who'd survived such trauma, someone so beautiful could surly succeed.

It would be such a waste to let her die.

She saw me and twitched, rolling her eyes. "Hush, kitten." I said, and bent to my task.

* * *

_Edward--_

Esme and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home. I was reading a play aloud to her while she sketched a new idea for some curtains. Every now and again she would look up at me and smile. The clock and the gentle crackle of the fire were the only sounds in our cozy home. I paused my reading, to enjoy it. This was all I needed, right here. Why had I ever tried to leave?

_...hurry..._

I closed the book with a snap and Esme startled in her chair, breaking her sketch pencil.

"What is it?"  
"You might want to close the windows, and get some blankets down to the cellar. Carlisle's bringing company."

"Edward --what on earth?"

I didn't have time to answer; I opened the door for Carlisle just as he approached. He held the writhing creature carefully. He'd wrapped her in his jacket but even the heavy wool could not muffle her screams.

"Oh dear," said Esme, and ran to do as I'd asked.

* * *

"What were you thinking, Carlisle? Rosalie _Hale?_"

Carlisle didn't answer at first. His thoughts kept turning uselessly. He'd held the girl's hand all through the ordeal. The look on his face when he answered how much of a waste it would have been calmed me somewhat. Why would he condemn someone else to this life on... on a whim?

Esme agreed with Carlisle at once, of course.

I raked my hands through my hair and tried to understand. I saw in Carlisle's mind the condition the girl had been in... the pain she'd endured. I'd killed for less, but I'd never been tempted to make another vampire, not once. "People die all the time. Don't you think she's just a little recognizable, though? The Kings will have to put up a huge search –not that anyone suspects the fiend."

I'd murdered men just like him and his friends. The compulsion to go out and hunt them down was surprisingly strong. Perhaps I wasn't as recovered from my time away as I would have hoped.

"Talk to her please, Edward."

"Why me?" _She's your project_, I thought unkindly.

"I just keep thinking how wonderful you were with Esme,"

I looked at the yowling she-demon skeptically. "Even Esme was more self-contained than that creature." I saw Carlisle cringe before his face smoothed and I felt instantly ashamed. "I'm sorry, I'll do my best. "

"Thank you, Edward. She is lovely, and I want to see her adapt and excel."

There was an odd strain in his voice, and a shadow of a thought on his mind. Carlisle rarely wanted to hide anything from me, and so I was instantly curious of course, but I tried to respect his privacy. Really though, what was he hiding? Something about Rose, about her transformation... or a reason for it... or something like that.

I licked my lips and entered the dark room. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, tainted by horror of her last hours, even after these months of glutting on blood and kind treatment. Despite the clouded quality of those memories, she was living them over and over.

Though I was perfectly comfortable standing, I sat nearby.

"It's their fault." She hissed as soon as she deigned to recognize my presence.  
I nodded. Those men had abused her abominably.

"They did that to me. And then they left me like it was nothing."

"They did."

"I want to kill them."

"You could," I said after a pause. "I'm something of an expert on that subject. Trust me; there is no peace to be found in it."

"I'm not looking for _peace_," she spat the word.

Kitten, indeed.

"I couldn't save one girl from a monster." I mused. "But if you promise to commit yourself to this life, I promise I will give you the name and location of each man who attacked you. With your eyes you can't hunt them in the open. Carlisle wants you to succeed in this life. If you promise to try, I will help you sever your ties."

She mulled over this for some time. I felt her war with her desire to do it herself, and her need for help. She reached out her hand and I took it. "It's a deal."

* * *

Revenge did not take long. I didn't want Carlisle to know how good I'd gotten at finding the right kind of prey. Those I targeted, these monsters, deserved to be dead, just like all the others I'd killed. I just didn't want their lives on my conscience.

Even I had to admit, Rose did an excellent job. She did not allow herself even one taste of her prey. I was nearby at all of her killings, to help clean up, but it wasn't necessary. Before, I'd killed to eat as much to execute. Rose had no qualms about murder. This was execution plain and simple; hunger had nothing to do with it.

She looked beautiful in her wedding dress when she went to kill Royce. Carlisle was no fool; when she walked out of the house wearing it, he knew what she was about to do. He shook his head, but said nothing. He could not argue Rosalie's almost Biblical right to exact revenge.

There was one point though, where I was not surprised. In the end, Rose was no happier, and nothing had been solved. Revenge, sweet on the tongue, had turned to bile as it washed down her throat.

A deal was a deal however, and she stuck to her new diet. Once I even drove her to a wildlife preserve in Canada to tempt her with something more appealing. She hunted listlessly with me for a while, but I could see her heart wasn't in it and we returned to the car less then a day later.

I could tell pent-up rage and disappointment was building inside her, and when she broke I was again unsurprised.

"I lived my whole life according to other people's expectations. I fulfilled every one of them! Where did it get me?"

My hand hesitated on the door, Rosalie wanted to cry, or rip something in two, and she knew she could do neither. Even her revenge had not helped. Sudden inspiration struck, and I stood back from the driver's side door.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"It always helps me calm down. You should try it."

"I don't want to know anything about stupid cars," she muttered, but there was a small spark of interest she couldn't hide.

"Come on, Rose. What do you have to lose?"

"Besides my dignity and self-respect?"

"Besides that."

"Nothing, I suppose."

I helped her into the driver's seat and then whisked around to the passenger's side. I rambled off the basic instructions, and then leaned back. She looked very uncertain, but of course she didn't ask me to go over it again. She just wrinkled her nose and hesitantly stepped on the gas. The car lurched forward. Rose glared, at me, daring me to comment. I wisely said nothing.

With a few more fits and starts she managed to get us to the highway. By the time we were halfway home, she had the confidence to really test the engine. She passed the exit to our house and kept on driving, a huge grin was splitting her face. She guided the car up the highway, negotiating turns with more and more finesse and speed. A few hours later, though, the engine sputtered and died. Rose squealed unhappily and I told her to steer us to the side of the road.

"Edward, did I break it?"

She looked so forlorn I had to laugh. "It's just out of gas."

"Oh, I knew that. Why didn't you tell me we were almost out?"

"You looked like you were having so much fun," I teased.

She sniffed, but couldn't hide her smile for long. It would probably be years before she admitted I was right... crazy, stubborn cat.

"There was a gas station a few miles back. I'll be back in a minute."

"I knew it was just the gas."

"Yeah right_, 'Edward, did I break it?'"_

"Stuff it!"

She had the last laugh of course; the next time I went hunting she took my car completely apart. I came home to find not one piece attached to another, the frame empty and wretched, while the guts of my beautiful car were strewn around the lawn.

"Rose!" I yelled.

"I want to understand how this works," she said as she puttered with what had been the radiator. "You'll never fool me again. Empty gas tank, _indeed_. If something goes wrong, I'll know what it is."

"Put. It. Back." I growled.

Carlisle sighed. "Play nice, you two."

"She wrecked my car!" I yelled. Why couldn't he see she was completely at fault? "Remind me why you turned her again?"

"Edward, what a nasty thing to say," Esme chided.

Rose just smirked at me.

Because Rose was so recognizable, we had to move from the area immediately. She insisted on moving somewhere warmer. Carlisle closed his practice and Esme waited for a cloudy day to go cabin shopping. Rose demanded... _suggested_ Appalachia, and Esme didn't have the heart to refuse her.

This meant that I didn't have to go to school so I did not argue too much with the new arrangement. The days were muggy and long and the sunlight glittered off my skin, but in those mountains no one could see or care. We hunted in stretches hundreds of miles long for whatever piqued our interest.

I held Rose's cold hand in mine as we walked through the shrouded forest. She snobbishly avoided putting her shoes in the mire and danced from trunk to stone to stone to trunk without letting go of my hand. I resisted rolling my eyes by sheer force of will. She was such a _princess_.

"I don't think we'll find anything edible out here," I murmured.

"I think you're right." She agreed listlessly.

"I'm going to head home."

She didn't follow. "Go on ahead. I'll poke around, see if any grizzlies made it out yet."

I nodded.

We were only a hundred or so miles from the cabin. Esme was on the roof nailing shingles, Carlisle was below, handing her tools as she needed them.

"Edward," she called, waving her hammer. "Come up here and give me a hand! If we don't finish this before tonight, otherwise we're going to get wet and Rose will never forgive me."

_Where did he leave Rose? _Carlisle wondered idly.

"I didn't leave her anywhere," I said as I picked up a second hammer and some nails. I gathered my legs under me and leapt onto the roof, picking a spot close to Esme. "She wanted to see if there were any grizzlies out early."

Carlisle shook his head. "Did you tell her to bring any back for the rest of us? I'm getting a little tired of deer myself."

For the rest of the evening we worked in contented silence, each of us busy with our own chores and our own thoughts.

The sky opened up a little and we went inside our (dry) cottage and settled into our nighttime routine...

"Oh _no!"_

Carlisle jumped to his feet. "What! What is it!"

"Should we run?" Esme cried.

"This can't be happening!"

"Edward! Speak up, boy!"

I went to the door, with a sick sense of foreboding, and yanked it open to reveal Rosalie running toward the house with a very bulky body in her arms. She looked like a deranged murderer, but her appearance and demeanor was that of a wet cat.

"Not possible! This cannot be happening!"

She brushed right by me. Blood and rain water dripped onto the floor. I noticed she wasn't breathing. Esme choked and threw her hands over her mouth and nose. I went over and put my arms around her, she buried her nose in my shoulder while Carlisle instructed Rose to lay her burden out on our kitchen table.

"There's nothing for me to do, dear one. The damage is too extensive. I don't know how he made it this far... and the risk of infection is so high."

"I need you to save him, Carlisle... I would never be able to stop myself, that's why I brought him to you."

"Rosalie, would you condemn someone else to a life you hate? I don't want you to think I acted too rashly when I saved you... but you are so unhappy."

"You owe me! He's dying! Save him for me!"

Carlisle hesitated. He hated the thought of condemning another to this life. Rose was so clearly miserable; I was hanging on by a thread, and Esme was the only one of his creations who was the least bit content... and she was his soul mate. He looked at me desperately, as if my opinion mattered.

The man was in pain, dying, but his eyes were fastened on Rose. I didn't know if the idea came from head trauma, blood loss, sheer stupidity, or some combination of the three... but all he could think about in the face of his death was how beautiful his angel was. He thought she was perfect.

_Buddy,_ I thought, _just wait until you meet her._ "Do it, Carlisle," I urged.

Rose shot me a thankful look_. I owe you._

_Big time,_ I thought back but didn't say it.

And so, Emmett McCarty became the latest addition to the Cullen Coven. Rosalie and Emmett were deliriously happy with each other. From the moment he came out of the pain he stuck right to her side, and she to his. Esme was happy to see them happy and had already started planning the wedding. Carlisle was so relieved that Emmett was adjusting with zeal to his new life that he didn't care about anything else.

Emmett loved hunting. He loved his new strength, his speed, his demon... er... angel, Rosalie. Unlike any other newborn, as long as he was kept well supplied with blood, Emmett was fairly reasonable... as long as he was nowhere near people. We took him to Alaska for his new-born confinement, and there he feasted on bear and cougar.

Rosalie had gone downright soft and mushy under the glow of her new love, and for the past three months _had gone nowhere near my automobiles_, for which I could only thank my lucky stars.

* * *

_Family_

_Late 1935_

Esme was still deep in the wedding plans six months and one move later. I left as much as I could to escape the endless discussions of lilies, silk, taffeta, and the fripperies females insisted on attaching to a simple ceremony. I thought of my mother's ring, something I hadn't done in years. It was probably still in that ancient writing box. If I ever got married... I scoffed at the mere thought. I had everything and everyone I needed.

Especially now that Emmett had calmed down, the turbulent rage of being a newborn settling into what he would be for an inconceivable amount of time. His personality was undamaged by his change, at least as far as I could tell. Emmett went with me, or on other errands, as often as he could, but he needed to stay in the rural places, out of temptation's way... and he didn't like to be away from Rose.

Carlisle decided early on that I had too much time on my hands and enrolled me, late in the semester of course, in a Catholic private school in Juneau. He put the uniform and class schedule on my bed with an arch look. "There are very good professors there, and you need to practice being around people."

Practice being human? I was appalled of course, but Carlisle was adamant; I could see that even before I started to argue. It was easier to just give up. I donned the crisp white shirt, the pressed navy pants, and the jacket with the school insignia on the breast pocket. I hung the tie around my neck and stomped downstairs.

Emmett guffawed. "You look like a _pansy!"_

"Thanks, brother. This is going to be a pain." I threw myself into a chair, trying not to pout. Carlisle laughed and reached around me to knot my tie. I had a sudden, almost curious sense of ...déjà vu. My mind was perfect, I could recall every moment of my vampire existence, but somehow, a shadow from the past, a dim human memory of... my father, knotting my tie. I put my hand over Carlisle's. He stopped at once and looked down at me.

"What?"

"I... can't remember." I replied. I shook my head to clear it. "It's nothing." Carlisle nodded but looked troubled.

"Make friends and bring them home." Esme said as I picked up my leather book case and headed for the door.

I nodded, still bemused, wondering where the odd notion had come from. Carlisle was my father since the beginning. I had no memories of my biological father, only a few very vague impressions and even those were fading each year. "Make sure you have the silver platter and a bib for Emmett ready."

Esme swatted me and sent me on my way. I did not get in my car, however.

School would start in a few moments. Some days were harder than others to live in a house with two sets of perfectly matched lovers. Behind the house there was a little brook, it was far enough away that I could not hear anyone's mind but my own.

I sat on one of the large, flat-topped boulders, and, for lack of anything better to do, watched the play of light on the water. I became easily fascinated by the light and colors, and I sat there for many minutes.

All these distractions did not prevent her from hearing her as she approached.

_This one is new... There are other, older scents here, too. A coven, perhaps? _

My time alone had made me indifferent to strangers, or bold, or both, because I did not turn to meet her when she came into the clearing.

"This territory has been claimed," she said when she caught sight of me.

I sighed and stretched my back, though I didn't need it. My school uniform would get all wrinkly and that would upset Esme. I brushed the worse of the wrinkles off while I replied, "I'm not interested in humans as food or anything else. You have nothing to worry about."

_What?_ "What? Who are you? What are you doing here? How many of you have arrived and... and..."

I turned around and looked her full in the face. For some reason, her breath caught. Her eyes, black with hunger, scanned me over and over, though as a vampire, once should have been enough. I saw myself reflected in her eye, and realized how strange I must look. Too smooth and polished for a rouge vampire...

"And how did you come by such surprising eyes?" _So... beautiful._

I did not need to deal with this right before school. Or any time for that matter. "You need to speak with my father."

"Your father?"

She was so stunned by my appearance for a moment she took my statement literally. I smiled as I corrected her, "My maker, Carlisle."

"I can't hear it from you?" Her voice was a touch breathless. I was not used to other vampires regarding me this way... human women were, of course, attracted to the monster initially, but vampires should be above that, shouldn't they?

"Carlisle would be best." I said. Perhaps this would buy me a way out of school. Then again, perhaps I needed an exit. As she followed me back to the house, she did not take her eyes off me for a second. I felt like one of the stags I hunted. I was faster than anyone in my coven, but was I faster than her? I might have to find out.

"My name is Tanya," she said.

She was fishing for more than my name, but I couldn't not tell her at least that much. Esme would never forgive me for being rude. "I'm Edward."

I took her right in the front door.

"Carlisle," I called. "There is someone here to meet you."

Carlisle came forward with Esme graciously at his side, her work on the wedding temporarily set aside.

"She's curious about my eyes; I think you should tell her all about it. Ta."

"Edward, must you go?"

I picked up my leather satchel and slung it over my shoulder. "I'll be late for school."

_Mustn't be late, you naughty little school-boy, or you'll be punished, _she thought. The series of images that followed involving a ruler, a desk, and my neck tie were extremely disturbing. "Ugh," I clapped my hands on my forehead trying to blot them out.

Carlisle recognized my discomfort if not the exact reason behind it. He put a hand on Tanya's shoulder. "You must be careful, Tanya, my son Edward is a telepath. He can read all your thoughts."

Tanya cringed. "My apologies."

"Don't apologize for errant thoughts." I murmured and left as quickly as possible. I dawdled at school, hoping that when I returned the house would be empty but for family. No such luck.

* * *

Rose's wedding was lavish and ostentatious, which suited her to a T. We'd invited everyone from miles around, and despite the fact that they hardly knew us, most everyone accepted the invitation. Privately, the celebration was also for the Tanya and her sisters Irina and Kate, who had no trouble adopting Carlisle's ideals.

Rosalie danced again and again with Emmett... at last she was getting her fairytale wedding, her prince, and her castle. Later, she would realize that she would never have more than that, but for now she was caught up in her bliss.

"Good evening, Edward." Tanya smiled. She looked lovely, as did both of her sisters. Her gown sparkled and so did her eyes, and for the most part she kept her thoughts polite when I could hear them.

"Tanya," I nodded politely and started to move away, but she put a slender hand on my arm.

"Why don't you stay with my sisters and I for a few months, Edward? I'm sure you'll want to be as far away from the newlyweds as possible."

I didn't reply at first. I couldn't. I did not want the life she was offering. She loved men, all men, and no one more than another. I was the same way, only I was equally indifferent to everyone. "Esme redecorated a mansion on the river as a gift for Rose and Emmet. I will stay with Carlisle."

Tanya sighed. "As you wish, of course."

My smile was a pitiful thing. "I'm sorry."

Tanya turned suddenly and pulled me into a shady alcove. "Don't you know what you are?" Her pale white finger stabbed me in the shoulder. "You are the first creation of a revered vampire, who is a friend of the Volturi, and well-aged besides. You are blessed with a very powerful and useful gift to boot. You understand what all that means, Edward? You are a prince of our kind. You should have a coven of your own, at the very least a companion. Yet here you are... alone. Can you tell me why?"

Disgust instantly soured whatever ambivalent feeling I might have had for her. A low hiss escaped through my teeth and I was about to say something we'd both regret when Carlisle found us.

"Edward!" Carlisle was appalled. Speaking politely, especially to ladies, was one of the few things he insisted on, and now I'd flouted the rule in his house, and practically in his face.

"I'm sorry, Tanya. Excuse me, please." Since the human guests had all left, I ran, really ran, to the private garden in back. I knew the lecture was coming, and I heard Carlisle's steps a few moments later. He sat very close beside me. I leaned into his shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" He asked gently.

"It was just silly; I'd rather leave it alone."

I hissed as I heard the quick succession of his thoughts. Carlisle was hoping that among all the females in this Tanya's coven, there would be one in whom I would find a companion.

Though I enjoyed all their company to a certain extent, I could see myself with none of them. Though I would never admit it, I had tried. I was almost as desperate as Carlisle to end my bleak cold existence, but nothing had come of it. I'd scanned their minds, looking to be fascinated. But I found nothing to intrigue me. The kind of companionship Tanya offered was not something I could take, not after seeing examples of true love.

"Edward, look at me please."

_Busted_. I ducked my head away reflexively, but Carlisle's cold fingers grabbed my chin and held my face up for inspection... and my black eyes.

"You haven't eaten," he said.

"Running errands for the wedding has taken up a lot of time."

"Is no excuse to starve yourself, Edward, that's dangerous. I can't believe I didn't notice," His face fell a little, and his thoughts become sad. "Emmett and Rose will be living away from us for awhile. It'll be just us, like it used to be. Perhaps I haven't been as attentive as I could have been these past two years."

Finally I caught a glimpse of his true worries. Carlisle thought I was going crazy. He thought I would go still.

"I'm fine!"

"Are you?"

"Yes,"

"Then go hunt."

* * *

I returned from my hunt a few hours later. When I heard Esme's voice and my name I stopped on instinct.

"He was all alone the entire evening. He didn't laugh, he barely smiled. I remember when he used to do both." Esme was beside herself with concern. She and Carlisle had endless discussions which I couldn't help but overhear. Now the party was over, and they sat among the ruin of confetti and rice and talked.

"Perhaps I changed him too young."

"He's trying, and to him fail over and over... I can't take it. He needs someone, something, a purpose, or a person."

"We can't find it for him. He's got to pull out of this on his own."

"I just can't stand him being miserable."

"He'll come to us..."

"Like he did last time?" Esme said bitterly. "I can't stand the separation. I need him. He's my son too!"  
"Edward needed to learn on his own, make his own mistakes."

It hurt that I wasn't fooling them, I'd been trying my best to keep the worst of it from them. Apparently I wasn't as good at deception as I'd thought.

_I can do better, just wait... you'll never know._

* * *

_Treaties_

_1936_

There was a beautiful bit of forest near the Indian reservation. Esme raced ahead with Carlisle while I lagged back to enjoy the patches of sunlight filtering through the trees. It was such a beautiful place. Ahead I heard Emmett make a triumphant shout as he took the kill, in his mind I saw the buck. I shook my head and slowed down. Why was he so excited about a stupid stag? It would taste as bland as blah and he knew it.  
We'd been in the area for a few months now, and I loved it more than any other place we'd been. There was something ancient and secure about these old woods. I spent more time away from my books and exploring my new home. Once again Carlisle and Esme were so grateful that I was interested in anything that they joked about putting roots down to China.

I took a deep breath of the clean forest air and caught the scent of much more appetizing prey. Meat-eaters, wolves, I thought. There might have been a pack or two of them roaming around the forest,

Emmett must have seen the expression on my face; he smiled and took me by the shoulder. "Whatever you're planning I want to be the accomplice."

A grin pulled at the corners of my mouth. He reminded me of someone... someone I'd known before the change. I closed my eyes and tried to recall the faded, human memory, but it was gone already. "I knew I liked having a brother for a reason." I might just end up owing Rose, instead of the other way around.

"There are some wolves deeper in the reservation."

"Excellent!"

Carlisle shook his head, and snapped the neck of the buck. "Boys, wolves are an endangered. We should be respectful of reservations. This land is public. Eat deer and be grateful."

"Why do I feel so deprived?" I asked no one in particular.

"We just want to go play with them is all," Emmett muttered.

Everyone was about to partake of the meal when I heard the whisper of a new mind... three new minds. Minds unlike any other I'd encountered before. They were thinking together and separately at the same time. My focus was instantly engaged in a way that it hadn't been before.

I stepped forward, eager because it looked as though...

... wait a moment... wolves? Since when did I read the minds of animals?

They _knew_ us, or rather, knew of us. Our scent burned in their nostrils.

"Look out," I said quietly. I was at Carlisle's side in a flash. Esme gasped and took two steps back as they came through the foliage. Damn, but they were fast. There were three of them, and they were enormous.  
They were going to rip us apart, until they saw us standing together, over our meal. Their shock filled my mind, and for a few crucial moments, they paused.

Curious, indeed.

Rosalie reached for Emmett, we were all backed up against one another. He crouched forward, eager to defend his angel. _Amazing! Lunch time has just been cancelled, _he thought.

_"Wait,"_ I said.

"What are they?" Esme asked.

I ignored her and stared straight into the eyes of the leader. His mind was on top of the others somehow. "Please, wait a moment." I said, I didn't even know who I was talking to anymore, the wolves or my family, or both.

Rose hissed through her teeth as the wind brought their stench to us. I couldn't help but gag as well. It was revolting.

"Stop it! Stop it! They're men... sort of. Cut it out!"

Carlisle stopped at once and stared, mouth open. "I never heard of... you are sure?"

"Oh, they want to kill us," The stress must have been evident in my voice because they all looked at me.

"Then let's return the favor." Emmett growled impressively and cracked his knuckles.

"No! They think we're a threat to them."

Carlisle turned uneasily to the... wolves, or men, or whatever. "Humans are in no danger from us, we just wish to live in peace."

How could they doubt the sincerity and the wisdom in his eyes?

"We've been living here for nearly eight months," I said. "Have you heard of one mysterious death? A disappearance? This is a small town. Look at our eyes, they are not the hellish red you hate."

They thought of this. There were really too many of us to fight... they wanted to believe us. They did not want to die, or see their brothers killed. The leader came forward, came straight to me and stared me in the eye before turning to Carlisle.

_Perhaps ...a bargain can be struck. _

Neither of us dared come near the other, but as long as there was distance between us, and no wind to aggravate our scents. we could speak without fighting. We walked a new line in the forest. The line was a few miles beyond the bounds of the reservation, to give them room to patrol. We agreed not to cross it for any reason on pain of death, and they agreed not to hunt us, so long as we kept to our particular diet. We would both adhere to a strict code of silence regarding the other. We would tell no soul, living or dead, of their existence, and they would tell no one of ours. We would not stay more than a few years, but if we decided to return we would wait at the line, in this very spot, and reaffirm the treaty.

"They do exist." Carlisle muttered for days afterward.

There was more out in the world than I knew, and I thought I'd seen everything. Detestable, as they were, as foul as their reek was, they opened my mind as nothing else had. There was more. There was always more. I wondered what else I could learn.

* * *

_Different Sight_

_1950-2002_

_Edward--_

Emmett and I teased the marine life until we choked with laughter. Swallowing the salty water was not pleasant, but the game was too much fun to give up. We pulled ourselves onto the beach, still laughing and carrying on. Our eyes were gold from our hunt, our thirst eased. These last years it had been easier to ignore my nagging discontent. Emmett made everything a game, and fun. Our run-in with the wolves had changed me as well. Sometimes I found myself looking for other mythical beings.

Our house came into view up on the hill, and we circled around to the garage in order to avoid tearing up Esme's pretty gardens. We both slowed, all sense of play forgotten when we crossed two new scents. The garage door was open and... was that... _my_ desk? Was Esme refinishing it... _and all my other furniture?_ I froze, confused. Emmett stopped beside me, his body tense and ready.

"Do you smell that?"

Esme was on the front step, wringing her hands. I ran to her at once. The smell of the other vampires was very strong now.

"Esme, what is it?"

"They just showed up! Alice said hello, knew our names, asked where you were, and then said, 'Never mind I see him coming home in an hour,' and then she started rearranging all the furniture! Edward, will you please, please, please..."

I took Esme's fluttering hands in my own and guided her back into the house. I heard the high, chirping voice. "I want a mirror to go right there. We'll probably have to have it custom made."

Just inside the living room, Carlisle was almost shrunk against the corner. When he saw me, he sighed with relief. "Please tell me something about her, Edward." _Something to indicate she's not crazy._

My whole family crowded behind me as I walked to the bottom of the stairs and focused on the mind that accompanied this voice. I blinked, unprepared for the barrage of her thoughts... images, futures, came along with her own voice-mind. It was one of the richest, brightest minds I had ever read. I hadn't even been introduced and I could already see her bubbling enthusiasm, her generosity, and her need for a family like ours. When I spoke, it was with the certainty that she was already my sister.

Everyone was staring at me, waiting for a verdict.

"Alice!" I yelled. _"Get out of my room!"_

A tiny pixie poked her head over the banister. Right behind her was a scarred, whip-thin vampire whose thoughts were so fiercely protective that I wondered how he functioned at all.

"I know Carlisle's the leader," she chirped without preamble. "But no matter what I thought of doing, the future never changed... it seems like you're the one to convince if we want to stay here, and we do." She eyed me speculatively. "You're pretty, but you need new clothes. Who dresses you?"

Half laughing, I nodded my head. "I see you've been looking for us a long time. You could have sent a note."

She jumped and her thin eyebrows climbed._ A mind-reader?_

"Yes."

_Can you read _all_ my thoughts?_

"All the ones you happen to be thinking."

_So if I were to think of the number..._

"Two hundred thirty-seven million and eight," I shot back.

_Can you see this?_

She was letting the images of the future roll through her mind. "Yes. That's very interesting, by the way. Does it always shift like that?"

_This is amazing!_ She bounced on her toes and clapped her hands. _This is Jasper! I think you'll like him, too! He was harder to track down than you people were! For awhile you blinked out of my sight entirely and boy, was that annoying! Jasper can control emotions, can you tell? I'll bet he's calming everyone but me._

"That's true," I said.

Her eyebrows shot into her shaggy hair and, she started bouncing even faster. "A mind-reader, an emotion-bender, and a future-seer."

"Oh, the fun we could have," I said blandly.

"Oh, the games we could play," she deadpanned.

"That doesn't mean you can have my room."

"Consider it a 'Welcome to the Coven' present."

"How about a fruit basket instead?"

She stuck out her tongue. I couldn't help but smile back. She was so happy, so excited to finally meet us. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me hard. I grunted and she let go. "We're going to get along swimmingly!"

I saw the future in her mind. "I can see that."

* * *

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this," I muttered as we made our way down the alley.

Alice linked her arm through mine and smiled up at me. She was holding onto Jasper, who looked just as uncomfortable as I, with her other arm. "You let me talk you into it because I wouldn't shut up until you agreed. You were just saving time."

"I Think this is the best idea anyone's had in ages," Rose said. "Carlisle and Esme are so upright, and Edward's such a stick in the mud... I'm surprised I haven't died of boredom!" She grinned to take away the sting of her words. "A club! Music and dancing and high heels!"

"Not to mention," Emmett said, "A little game of Catch and Release!"

I startled, almost stopped. "What? No! What if Carlisle find out?" I laughed.

"He'll only find out if you tell him," Emmett said. "And if you tell him, your car is scarp metal!"

"I will own all of you in thirty minutes!" Rosalie crowed. In her tiny red dress she would be able to catch any number of humans she wanted. Her confidence sizzled, and so did her anticipation of the evening. She would be at the center, a star, if only for a moment. I tried to be happy for her, but I still didn't see why I needed to be there.

"You can rein them if they get too out of control," Alice said.

There were times when I thought she could read _my_ mind. I hugged her a little closer. It was a good thing Jasper could sense our emotions were completely platonic. Anyone on the outside looking in might have thought there was something between Alice and I. The truth happened to be nothing so complicated. I supposed if a vampire could find a life-mate, there were such things as life-friends.

"I bet a million dollars that Jasper can match any of you in Catch and Release!"

Emmett and Rosalie hesitated, wondering if Alice could see something they could not. I knew that Alice was being kind... Jasper, with his power, could Catch as well as, or better, than any of us... it was the Release part of the game that he had trouble with.

We finally came within sight of the club. The music pulsed through the pavement. I perked up, the band wasn't too bad.

"That's the spirit," Alice encouraged.

We bypassed a line that went around the block. The doormen just lifted the rope and let us pass. No one in the line argued. Aside from our beauty, the obvious fashion of our clothes, the expense of Rosalie's jewels, there are not many humans who will stand up to a vampire. I have no doubt that if I decided to walk into the oval office tomorrow, I would be allowed to do it. On a subconscious level, humans know to get out of our way and stay away... which is why Catch and Release is so much fun. Enticing them despite their fear and leaving them there, wondering what possessed them is as close to an actual hunt as we'll ever come. Provided we stick to our diet.

The moment we were inside, we split into couples... and I, the odd man out, went off in search of our own fun. We'd keep tallies and compare later.

I was about to try and catch the attention of a pretty woman by the rail when a new band took the stage. It was hard-core without being heavy. They played a cover or two before launching into some original composition. I winced. Their lead was trying to scream against the chords the bassist was playing. A true attention-hog, his voice which could have been good just... sucked. There were a few couples dancing half-heartedly, and the rest of the band tossed eye rolls back and forth whenever the lead singer had his back turned to them, which was all the time.

Happily, the first set ended. I decided to forgo the pretty woman in favor of better music. The lead singer climbed down from the stage, ignoring his band in favor of mingling with people.

"Hello," I said.

"What? You want an autograph?"

"Not really, thank you. I just wanted to tell you that you have an amazing band, and your ego and your voice are the only thing holding them back. Do yourself a favor and get into management."

The man was incensed, He tried to push me, and I had to let my balance waver so that he didn't fall back and embarrass himself... any more than he already had. His face turned a shade of puce, he was so sweaty and gross I wasn't even tempted to sip his blood.

"You... freak! You think you can do better?"

"I know I can." I jumped up onto the stage and took the microphone. Through the haze of bodies, I could see the faces of my family. Rose's mouth was hanging open. I looked back at the band. "Just follow my lead. Take the bridge here, and at the second measure... never mind just do it, okay?"

Three bars into the song, I had everyone's attention. They started to crowd closer to the stage instead of dancing. The bouncers, sensing pandemonium, abandoned the doors and the drunks and pushed to the stage. I let my voice carry I let the words of the song fill me to my fingertips. The band caught the magic, and they played better than they ever had, responding both to me and the energy of the crowd. Suddenly, I was glad I'd come. I signaled to the lead guitarist, and he repeated the verse.

I could scream into the music what I could not say in words. Lyrics about wanting, thirsting, killing time, became something more when I sang them. Everyone was trying to get closer. I looked at Jasper and nodded. These people were seconds away from becoming a mob. I felt his power instantly, calming the frenzy, letting everyone come back to themselves.

When the song ended, the applause, the screams, were deafening. This impromptu concert, had to be over. I could not expect Jasper to hold them in check all night.

The guitarist came up, "Hey, I'm Spike. This is Max, and the drummer is Ham. Please tell me you are ready to make an album."  
"Sorry guys. I'm not eighteen."

Spike turned to the others. "Do we care?"

They shook their heads frantically. In their heads they were already counting their millions from the record deal.

I nodded my head at the crowd, "They'll eat each other, or me, if I don't get out of here. Thanks for playing for me, have a great life."

"No wait!"

He reached for me, but what human could catch a vampire? I melted into the darkness away from the crowd. Jasper was waiting for me by the back door.

"Everyone's asking for you."

"I know, I can still hear them."

Jasper shook his head, "That was reckless. What if there was a reporter, or a camera?"

"But there wasn't. Thanks for the wet blanket by the way."

"Rose is eating her heart out, and Alice owes you a million dollars. I think it's safe to say you caught every soul in the room."

I chuckled. "Should I collect all those bets now or later?"

"I'd wait until Rose cooled off a little."

Jasper pulled me out of the building and into the night. He was much better at sneaking around than I was. I tried to emulate his movements, and he looked over his shoulder to approve. When he thought of me at all, he regarded me as a fledgling, a very promising little brother who must be brought up carefully. He was used to training newborns, and I supposed I didn't mind if he wanted to regard me in this way. Most of the time, his thoughts were consumed with Alice.

* * *

I returned to the house a few hours after the others, clutching the club pamphlet. I was unashamed to admit my purpose was to avoid Rose whose thoughts were still sulky. Tonight had been good, fun. My memories were all perfect, but I liked to keep mementoes of good or interesting tines. I wanted to put this on my wall.

Alice was lying down on her stomach, still dressed in her club clothes, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She was completely focused on her little book, I was about to go straight upstairs when I caught the tenor of the novel.

"A little trashy for anyone claiming to have good taste," I commented.

"I picked it up in the grocery store," Alice said.

"Why?"

"I'm doing research."

"Research for what? Ripping bodices? Staring intensely into someone's eyes?"

"It's all for _you_, I'm not much for romance... I knew Jasper from almost the moment my eyes opened. But I figure the more I know what to look for, the easier a time I will have seeing her when the time comes."

She knew this was ridiculous, she was just trying to cheer me up. I cuddled next to her on the sofa, and kissed her spiky hair. She was as tiny as a doll, and as cold as one too. "I'm glad you found us Alice."

"Don't lose hope, Edward. Just hold on a little longer."

* * *

_False Dawn_

_2003_

_Edward--_

The rain threatened to turn to snow, I could hear it on my window, I could sense the change in air pressure. I sat in my room, listening to my iPod shuffling my favorite song, only half paying attention to the murmurs and movements downstairs.

It's a good life, I told myself. A safe life, not harmful. I am content.

I didn't feel happy, but I didn't feel sad either... truthfully, I didn't feel anything.

My eyes were strong enough that I did not need the light. And I heard my father's worried thoughts, thoughts he tried to calm, as he approached my door. He let himself in quietly and I looked up. He sat down beside me on the couch. I welcomed the interruption.

"We're leaving." I said. I didn't even have to read his mind There was nothing else to do after Jasper's... indiscretion. A week ago, his old friend Maria had visited. Alice had not been able to stop him in time.

Carlisle handed me a sheet of paper. I looked over it, and raised an eyebrow. "London?"

"There is a new professor of physics at Oxford who may be able to challenge you. His theories, what I've been able to get a hold of, are quite ingenious. You might benefit from some intellectual stimulation."

I set the paper aside. "Carlisle..."

"You like London. At least, you enjoyed on our last visit. I have a few old friends there who would be interested in meeting you. You could have a home, if not in London then in Scotland."

"_Carlisle_,"

He looked at me for a few moments, wondering if he could push me any further. "Fine, fine, I knew it was a long shot. Well, you know the Denali's would love to have you back. Tanya asked about you in her last phone call." _And there are other kinds of stimulation you should certainly experience._

I rolled my eyes. "You are as bad as Esme."

Carlisle shook his head. "You are so serious, son... so despondent and out of place. Perhaps a friendship, outside of the family, will help."

For a moment, I couldn't believe the words were coming out of Carlisle's mouth. He, the most upright son of a clergyman, thought I should go out and find myself some sort of...what was the term? Friend with benefits? Was I really that bad? I expected that sort of thing from _Emmett_. "I'm not interested."

"I wish you were interested in _something_. You don't compose anymore, you rarely study, and you're as indifferent to hunting as you are to nearly everything else. You don't really speak to anyone outside the family. The only thing you've really hung onto is collecting your music, and there are times when I wonder if that's not as much out of habit as enjoyment." Carlisle touched my iPod. "I am concerned, Edward. Falling into lethargy, slipping into stillness, is a trap for our kind."

"I won't go still, not with Alice around." Over the years, I'd grown so close to her, as dependent on her as Jasper in some ways. I tossed the invitation to London aside. "I'll go wherever you're going. High school is not that bad." The lie was so obvious Carlisle actually rolled his eyes.

"The blistering academic schedule won't keep you from finding a hobby."

I sighed and tried to think of something quickly, "Aston Martin is coming out with the Vanquish, perhaps I will have one delivered, work on the engine."

He was mildly pleased. I hadn't added to my car collection in years, mostly because the cars they were spewing out these days weren't fit to be tin cans... and partly because, Carlisle was right, I simply hadn't cared. "As long as you have something more... circumspect for everyday use. Forks is a small town, even smaller since the economy went south."

The name of the small town we'd once lived in finally piqued my interest. "Forks? We're going back to Forks?"

"Yes, Esme and I thought we should return to Washington. She has some ideas for the house and the climate is ideal. I would like to see if our treaties are holding with the werewolves. Perhaps you will be able to see their minds again."

"It would be... interesting." I allowed.

Just like that, Carlisle started to hope again. His thoughts were desperately trying to work out ways to get me interested in life again. He would welcome a war with the werewolves if it meant seeing life in my eyes. Nothing would stop him from moving the family to Forks now. Carlisle very gently smoothed my hair, pushing back the unruly strands that always threatened to fall in my eyes. "This will be a good opportunity for us." _For you._ "And Edward, leave yourself open once and awhile. Someone is waiting for you."

I ignored that. "I will start packing at once."

"All right," Carlisle got up and walked to the door. "I will tell Jasper to make the necessary documents for you and Alice to start freshman year. And I'll order the Vanquish to be delivered, my treat as long as you please stop the doom and gloom. Jasper is spreading enough of that around by himself these days."

"You're resorting to bribery. Does this mean you're running out of ideas, as a parent?"

"Any particular color?"

"Black... _like my soul_."

"For the love of..." He saw my expression and his features softened. "_Silver_ it is then. _Honestly_, Edward." And he shut the door quietly behind him.

I didn't care to go, and I didn't care to stay.

All I wanted was to be with my family.

* * *

There were no more werewolves in Forks. We stood at the treaty line when we first arrived, as per our arrangement. No one came. I supposed that meant we could go to La Push if we chose, but Carlisle forbade it. We would honor our bargain for our immortal lives.

Carlisle looked at me a little worriedly. He'd hoped that the chance to see and possibly interact with another immortal, or at least, long-lived creature, would finally lurch me out of my shell. No such luck.

I tried to reassure him. I paid closer attention to conversations, I took part in them. I took apart my new Vanquish in the garage with Rosalie. I played a rough game of basketball with Jasper and Emmett... two against one. I was meticulous with all my classes, polite to all the humans.

Jessica Stanley being the notable exception. She spent half of freshman year muttering over my rejection, and the rest very obviously trying to pretend I didn't exist. The classes were very predictable, and so were the people.

Two years went with nothing to mark them but more of the same monotony.

* * *

_First Sight_

_2005_

It was that time of day when I wished I were able to sleep...


End file.
